I have an issue.
I know it has been millennium since the last time I posted about my life and suddenly I’m telling you I have an issue. I think I just found out that I’m quite sensitive. And immature. Lately though
I’m not really sure whether I’m having this unstable hormones or stuff but my mood could suddenly shift from happy-go-lucky to don’t-talk-to-me mood in a split second. But all I can say that, I’m tired of all these and I totally need a break
A break of trying to please everyone, actually
I’m not really good in expressing my emotions, especially when I’m mad to someone. I’d keep it secure deep in my heart no matter how much it hurts my pride. I can say how much I’m sorry, repetitively, if I did any mistakes. I can never say ‘no’ to people as I always think that I might need their help in future and depend on them to find the ways or solutions of the problem. Thus, this making me look weak in everyone’s eyes
And of course, at times, people took advantage on me. Only ask for help when there’s no one bothered to care for their problem. Comment and saying things that they think I wouldn’t care. But I care. I care too much that at times I feel like my heart broke into pieces and my pride, don’t even mention about it. And when there are times when I need help, I never get what I should get in return. But as always, I keep it in my heart. Tight and secured
But no, I’m not blaming you people. I always believe that there’s a reason as to why our paths crosses. I have faith in Allah for the reason behind it. But the words and actions could hurt me and since I keep it in my heart, I started to act childishly - by not talking to anyone. Thus, which leads me to being in a bad mood and depression (you wouldn’t believe me but yes, depression) for almost most of my time nowadays. But as for now, I’m still taking all the blame on me since I’m the one who allows all of this to happen - being too weak and depend on people too much- but changes need to be made. I will change, slowly
I’m sorry if anyone of you might come across this and somehow bothers you, in a way. I just have to let this out, for once. And maybe somehow changes could be made in you. Of course, I’m not perfect either. I might have said a few things that bothered you, but you know I never meant it that way - definitely no ulterior motives. If you still can’t forget it, again, I’m sorry. We still have a long journey together, we still need each other for at least a decade. Let’s stop with whatever those unhealthy competitions, help each other’s back and aim for our responsibilities together as a child, as a student and as His servant.